A week before the cycle begins and I can feel the anxiety which I’m trying to ease through acupuncture and self hypnosis/visualisation…I’ve also started back at the gym. I’ve improved my eating further but I’m struggling with some stress (a challenging child) at work which is making me feel more anxious. I know that I must remain as calm and peaceful as possible but when I’ve got a stressful variable in the equation I worry, when I worry, I worry about worrying, a vicious cycle which then makes me feel unwell and troubles my sleep.
Acupuncture 3-4 days before my 3rd and final IVF cycle (out of my 3 cycle package). I really opened up to Leila today as it’s my final go and I need to give it absolutely everything and with everything I’ve learned over the past several months I’ve realised that there is a lot going on inside me which I need support with smoothing out. The (acupuncture) pressure point which deals with my anxieties was very tingly (and painful) when the needle was put in today, it felt like I’d hit my ‘funny bone’ but it was in my foot (it felt the same on Wednesday’s session as well), this indicates the high level of sadness/anxiety I’m truly feeling. I’m glad that I’m aware of it though so that I can do something about it.
Went over to my best friend’s for the evening and had a good chat, feeling much better- more positive and rational.
Cycle has started, called clinic- baseline scan tomorrow.
Scan was good, all looks good! The left ovary has less follicles (4) compared with the right which has 7. Contacted Leila Bux (my fertility acupuncturist), booked in for Sunday (3 days time) to stimulate the ovaries. Asked the clinic to remind me of my previous follicle counts – a total of 6 1st time around, and 14 the 2nd time around so I’m pleased.
Clinic called to tell me to start taking my medication this evening: injections -100iu Gonal F x2 daily, 0.25ml Buserelin x2 daily, tablet – 0.25mg Dexamethasone x1 daily. I’m booked in to check progress on Tuesday (5 days time).
Continuing to visualise and use Marisa Peer’s technique, reading specific paragraphs in her book ‘Trying to get Pregnant (and Succeeding)’ twice daily, which is helping how I feel, my level of positivity.
Acupuncture was good, looked over my previous cycle’s initial and final follicle count- initially, the left ovary had 7 and the right had 3 (the opposite to this time) but the final count improved to a total of 14 post acupuncture which reassures me about this time around.
(The photo shows the cycle day and date across the bottom and the follicle measurements along the left side. The blue dots show the follicles from the right hand sided ovary and the yellow dots show the follicles from the left hand side ovary.)
8.30am appointment at the clinic for an internal scan and blood test to check progress from meds. The doctor who scanned me said all looked good, then afterwards in the review meeting the nurse was a little negative, saying that the follicles appeared to be growing a little slower than my last cycle. Last cycle I had a few more and they were all a little bigger and progressing at the same pace and measuring similarly as well. This cycle the follicles are a little more scattered and slightly smaller so far. I’m presuming this could mean that my egg collection won’t be on ‘cycle day 11’ like the previous cycles but perhaps day 12 or even 13. However, you never know! Things can change in a heartbeat. The nurse explained that the cause could be lingering hormones from what happened in my last cycle with the miscarriage (I do still have itchy breasts) that may be having this affect on the follicles (one follicle has zoomed ahead and is almost ready but will have to be sacrificed). But also, she added, each cycle is different.
Leila (my acupuncturist) said all looks good so I’m focusing on the positive from what both the doctor who scanned me and Leila have said. Marisa Peer Trying to get Pregnant (and Succeeding) 2012,tells us to “…accept only positive ideas about your response to IVF…” (pg 133). I’m finding that having both Leila to discuss things with and using Marisa Peer’s technique is helping how I feel, reducing my anxiety.
Went to my acupuncturist (Leila Bux), discussed the last appointment at the clinic and the progress so far, Leila was very reassuring and helped put my mind to rest further. She worked on the ‘weaker’ ovary (the left one which had less follicles).
Cycle day 9 – appointment at the clinic went well, after the acupuncture the follicles in the left ovary have caught up with the ones on the right and there is even an extra one…coincidence? Who knows, but in my opinion it isn’t. I’m happy with how this cycle is going and so are the staff at the clinic so I’m feeling positive, and the continued techniques of Marisa Peer’s are certainly helping my mind, along with the acupuncture. Egg collection is due to be cycle day 13 this time…I’m hoping this means that with the follicles progressing a little slower the eggs inside them will have more time to mature which could result in more eggs to choose from or to have left over for freezing…we’ll see…
I feel like this cycle is less stressful which I think may be due to a couple of reasons – firstly, it’s my 3rd time so I know what to expect. Secondly, writing this blog has helped people around me understand the whole process more and understand how I may be feeling so they seem to be less inquisitive with some leaving me totally to it and some just ‘checking in’ quickly after appointments.
Scan showed fair follicular growth, the nurse predicted egg collection for Wednesday and, therefore, booked me in for another internal scan and blood test for Monday, but my consultant has requested egg collection for Tuesday (cycle day 14) first thing. Had acupuncture after the appointment and she was happy with how the follicles were looking, explaining that slow and steady is better, like she said the other day – it gives the eggs more opportunity to mature.
One thing I haven’t done enough of is drink milk, so I will try and have more.
The trigger has been injected! This is it…no going back…feeling a little more anxious (me trying to play it down as always – it’s more than a little!!) so will try to do more meditation and visualisation…
Only a small handful of people are aware which means I’m not discussing it much and I’m just focusing on it mentally with the script (for IVF Conception) from Marisa Peer‘s book (‘Trying to Conceive (and Succeeding)’) and her advice on visualisation (as well as the meditation during acupuncture).
4th July ’17!:
Egg collection – got up just before 7am to be at the clinic just after 8am; all went smoothly, was in and out within 2 hours, the quickest yet, usually I’m there for 3-4 hours. 100% success – all follicles had eggs (first time)…Marisa Peer’s script for ‘IVF Conception’ self hypnosis, Marisa Peer Trying to get Pregnant (and Succeeding) 2012, reads …’You achieve 100% success at egg collection…’ (pg 132). Later on I continued to repeat phrases form the script and visualised, putting ‘it’ out in the universe. The sentence in the script continues …’and 100% at fertilisation, and 100% success at egg transfer.’ (pg 132).
Each time I’ve been under general anaesthetic I’ve responded differently, this time felt like a hangover.
This time my fibroids have disappeared, this can apparently happen as a result of a pregnancy (my last IVF cycle) and means that there is less swelling and discomfort around my uterus. Had acupuncture today to ease the swelling, Leila said that at this point in my last cycle my tummy was very swollen and that I didn’t look well at all, this cycle is the inverse which is good.
The embryologist called first thing this morning with good news – six out of the nine eggs collected have fertilised and are doing well, I’m therefore booked in for 5 days time to have blastocysts transferred. From now on I will be focusing on my mind and body, resting to ensure my swelling goes down and for my subconscious to have only positive thoughts, ready for the transfer.
Feeling positive (even though a little anxious, of course)- there’s no reason for it not to work this time, last time I fell pregnant, my womb was receptive…this time the same will happen but the embryo will continue to develop into a fetus then into a healthy strong baby for me to give birth to. I’m putting out into the universe.
I’ve successfully managed to continue to keep it on the down low and those who do know are also continuing to give me the space I need which I really appreciate. It’s allowed me to focus more on what I need to and keeping the anxiety at bay as sometimes talking about it can trigger negative emotions – sadness, anxiety etc.
Beautiful start to the day weather wise, no sign of the pending thunder and showers as yet, in fact the whole week has been much better weather than anticipated…no news – no news is good news! Well done embryos! You’ll be back in my womb very soon.
Feeling better as each day passes and my mind is beginning to feel a lot clearer as well, due to the time off for recovery. I’ve realised that a week off at this point in the cycle, and even before egg collection and after egg transfer is essential for such an invasive procedure and an intense experience. I do appreciate the distraction of work to a point which is why I didn’t take any more time off than I have.